Updated: Oct 31, 2019
Guest post by Holly L.
I got my Comfort Cub almost 8 years ago, after the lowest and worst point in my life. My bear was a huge comfort in my darkest days. Now he is an important member of our family. When I got him, this is what runs through my mind, “When was the last time you felt him move?” - that was the moment “BeforeHolly,” before I died too. It’s been many years... and I still remember what I was wearing, what the room looked like... and the kindness of the doctor sent in to confirm what I was afraid of.
Our first child, Max, didn’t have a heartbeat anymore. He would be stillborn at 27 weeks. We headed straight from the doctors office to the hospital to begin the emotionally and physically painful process of delivering our son. I remember the next few days in fast forward, blurred by never ending tears and, thankfully, by my minds ability to protect itself.
When it was time for us to go home, I was a broken shell of the person I had been, almost catatonic with pain and emptiness. Instead of leaving with my baby, I was given a keepsake box with his hospital blanket, his footprints, a few pictures... and my Comfort Cub. MaxBear was who I held when I should have been wheeled out my baby. MaxBear absorbed all the tears I could cry for many, many, many months.
I carried him around the house, I held him tightly as I cried myself to sleep at night. I laid him on my chest with his weight pressed into me and it helped fill the void left behind by my dead son. MaxBear was a prominent and important part of my recovery and my life as I moved forward. He was a tangible piece that connected who I was now to who I had been before. He held the memory of my son when it was easier for others to move on for me.
Holding MaxBear was a reminder that I was a mother, even if there was no longer evidence outside of a bear. This bear made the darkest part of my life feel livable. I clung to him until I gave birth to our rainbow, and even now he lives in our children’s room and they know his story and his importance.
MaxBear is a part of our family still and my kids all go to grab him for story time and to sleep next to, so it still feels that my first son is a part of my life and a brother to my kids through this bear. I am so thankful for my ComfortCub and the initial story that his tag came with, the story that didn’t make me feel alone for the first time since I had heard we lost our son.
If a Comfort Cub could only help one person, it would still be a beautiful thing. That there are so many that go out to people who need them is incredible.
Thank you for my bear, Holly, mom of Max (Asher, Jack, and Brynn)